i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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