if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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