i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
