All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
