ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
