Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
