K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
