Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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