look no pants
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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