At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
