Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
