How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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