I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
