A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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