I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
