It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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