Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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