Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
