at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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