Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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