Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
