my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize