YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
