help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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