I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
