I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
