I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize