Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
