I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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