Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
