Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize