Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
