I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
