Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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