I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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