Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
