i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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