i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
