those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
