she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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