I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
