We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
