Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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