mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
