grandma shit on top of the toilet
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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