So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
