Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
