We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
