dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
