My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
