You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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