and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
