I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
