i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
