I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize