I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
