i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
