how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
