There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
someone owes me an orgasm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
