you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
