i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize