he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
