Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
