it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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