so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Are we still banned from the library?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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