in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize