If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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