That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
