how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
