3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
