Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
